October 2, 2022

The Yankee–Chooch Doodle

Source: ORF

The alien postscript says that Biden possibly dialed Jinping because of the rising US-China tensions and more so because Xi Jinping has been acting overtly uppity over Taiwan in recent times. But Jinping appeared to be as amused as Kim Jong-un used to be whenever Donald Trump dialogued with him about North Korea’s nuclear programme.

Lt Gen Prakash Katoch

The Joe Biden – Xi Jinping virtual meet on November 16 evoked interest worldwide less perhaps Imran Khan ruing over his drug overdose and taking panga with QJ Bajwa which is going to cost him dearly. But aliens too were watching, their interests evoked after the Wuhan Virus biological bombing and nuclear war in the making by the dragon-bat crossbreed. Aliens are doing advance bookings to watch the spectacle of Armageddon on earth – what Indians term Mahapralay.

Transcript of the over three and half hour plus Biden-Jinping tete-a-tete has not been made public but aliens, with their superlative sensory powers not only heard every word but also discerned the thoughts inside the brains of the two. Unfortunately, due to imperfect interpretation of alien language and what could be retrieved through the maze of space debris is a garbled version of spoken words and brainy thoughts, gist of which is as under:

Yankee: Howdy dragon boy, hiding since Wuhan Virus outbreak?

Chooch: Hi old friend, managed to become president? I am not hiding but engaged in more experiments?

Yankee: What more experiments now?

Chooch: Not seen what is happening in Europe? They are not even sure whether it is the fourth or the fifth wave.   

Yankee: You will be fixed for this.

Chooch: Hee-Hee Fauci and Tedros are in my club, so you cannot do anything. Let only talk of combating the pandemic not its origin.  

Yankee: You guys are acting too aggressive.

Chooch: Where?   

Yankee: South China Sea and against so many countries.

Chooch: Well in South China Sea we got bored with your snoring loudly for decades and elsewhere we never attacked any nation nor claimed an inch of anyone’s territory – witness India saying they have not even lost an inch of territory.

Yankee: The human rights are terrible in Tibet and Xinjiang.

Chooch: Chinese people are also humans but we have trained them to live by the ‘lefts’, not the ‘rights’. And what about the 40 per cent civilians killed in Afghanistan because of US airstrikes?   

Yankee: You have to be more responsible.

Chooch: I am looking into the MeToo complaint by Peng Shuai but you know these things happen – remember what Bill was up to in the White House? 

Yankee: No, I am talking of China’s unfair trade and economic policies.

Chooch: Well, you yourself are very unfair in supporting Taiwan. In fact, by doing so you are playing with fire. 

Yankee: What do you mean by fires? You don’t enjoy bonfire even in winters?

Chooch: Since you do, I can light up plenty of bonfires simultaneously in Ukraine, Baltic, in West Asia and in Taiwan so you can keep walking on the coals.   

Yankee: We need guardrails to control escalation. 

Chooch: Well, we do have nukes on rails, in space and everywhere. You provide the guards.

Yankee: We need to work together including on climate change though China for starters is responsible for one-third of global CO2 emissions.

Chooch: Sure, we will work to ‘compete’ but I hear you and your VP not working together anymore – scared she may replace you? As for the CO2 emissions why do you think I ignite all those wildfires in America? 

Yankee: Competition should be responsibly managed and don’t poke your nose in our internal affairs.

Chooch: Likewise, albeit we are too big now. We were friends as VPs but I became President long back and will remain so for life.    

Yankee: Let us agree on what we can.

Chooch: Isn’t that what we have been doing till now? 

Yankee: Why are you called Chooch?

Chooch: Because I head the choochas who flock all corners of the world like chicklets looking so innocent but no one can gauge the deadly tasks I give them. But why are you named Yankee?    

Yankee: Because I can yank the rug from under your feet.

Chooch: Hee Haw, we have grown too big for that now and as I said I am going to be President for Life now. The old belief was everything under the Sun belongs to China but I will make sure that the whole universe is ours.

Yankee: So you are going to wage war?

Chooch: No, I reiterate China has never attacked any nation and not taken an inch of anyone’s territory. When everything under the Sun (and universe) belongs to China, where is the need to attack? Those occupying our territory should simply vacate.

Yankee: Got it. Let us keep this conversation between us and we will dub it “fruitful” in deference to the delicious apples, pears, peaches, grapes, apricots, plums, jujube, persimmon, walnut, chestnut and kiwifruit grown in China.

Chooch: We will call the discussion ‘candid’ because Yankees love candy.

The alien postscript says that Biden possibly dialed Jinping because of the rising US-China tensions and more so because Xi Jinping has been acting overtly uppity over Taiwan in recent times. But Jinping appeared to be as amused as Kim Jong-un used to be whenever Donald Trump dialogued with him about North Korea’s nuclear programme.

The postscript quotes Indian Puranic sources saying that that Kaliyuga which began 5,122 years ago and has 426,878 years left as of 2021 CE is supposed to end in the year 428,899 CE. However, the alien assessment is that Jinping may be the Satan incarnate sent to hasten the end of Kaliyuga.

The author is a veteran of Indian Army. Views expressed are personal and do not necessarily reflect the views of https://strategicaffairsindia.in

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